Sometimes I really wonder, why did I even start this server?

Actually, I can't really say. It's not because there are too many answers, but because... it seems I never seriously thought about it. Like I was pushed by something, and I started, and then, when I looked back — there was no one behind me.

From beginning to end, I've been carrying this server all by myself. No team, no helpers, not even someone to talk to or vent with. Sometimes when I'm tweaking settings, adjusting commands in the background, I don't even have a place to say, "Ah, this is so annoying." Even if I said it, it wouldn't matter — no one listens. It's like the air itself has been muted.

Of course, I know what the current server scene is like. Whoever has more players is impressive; whoever has more hype is "doing well." Even forums, Bilibili, all sorts of platforms — everyone is grinding, everyone is comparing — "How many players does your server have?" "Do you have any new features?" "This server is so generous!!"

Of course, I see it all. It's not like I don't feel it. But I really... increasingly don't want to get involved. It's just too tiring.

Watching other servers as lively as concert venues, player groups bustling like New Year's Eve dinner tables, chat history scrolling endlessly — I envy that too. I'm not the type to stubbornly claim I don't care. I run a server. I know too well how hard it is.

And precisely because I know how hard it is, it hurts more. Because I feel like I'm not that bad. At least I put my heart into what I do. I haven't cut corners at all.

But... no one comes.

To be honest, it's not for myself that I feel sad. I've been alone for a long time; I'm used to it. What really hurts is — I feel like I've let down the players who did come.

The server is empty, the chat box has not a single word. It's like a house just built, with no lights, no people, no sound — not even a goodbye.

I still remember a player once said: "Your server is so gentle." I didn't reply at the moment. In that instant, my eyes suddenly reddened — they really did.

As for promotion, it's not that I haven't thought about it. It's not that I haven't tried. It's just... I can't bring myself to say it.

Maybe I'm too twisted, too stubborn, or maybe I just don't have the courage. I'm afraid to use that kind of tone, "Come see me, it's awesome!" only to be met with indifference, with just "Oh."

It feels like after promoting, I've laid myself bare in front of people, waiting to be ignored. That feeling, really, is crushing.

What breaks me, actually, is the "us" from before.

I used to be on a server, where we built things together. There were conflicts, but back then I really felt we were a team, doing things together.

Then, because of a difference in ideas, we argued, and I was kicked out. Not like "take a break and we'll talk again" — just directly kicked, blocked... not even an explanation. Like being forcibly disconnected in a game. Pop, everything wiped.

Later, they grew bigger and bigger. The group was bustling. Watching that place, it felt like a place I could never go back to.

And me... I'm still here.

I don't hate them. I can't bring myself to hate. But I really, really hurt.

That kind of hurt is like — you're clearly in the scene, but the next moment you become an outsider, watching others' worlds move forward from behind a screen, while you're stuck on the loading screen, endlessly loading.

So I started my own server. No background, no connections, no resources — not even anyone who knows I'm running a server. I just went at it alone, tweaking, fixing, and silently thinking: "Will someone come in today?"

But most of the time, it's the same. Empty. Still empty. Even debugging feels like talking to myself.

I thought I didn't care anymore, but actually, I care a lot. It's just that I don't want "caring" to become my whole self. It's not that I don't compare — I know that once I compare, I'll lose completely.

Sometimes people suddenly ask me: "Are you still running a server?"

I really... don't dare to say. It's not that I stopped — I'm afraid they'll ask next: "How many people?" What should I say? "One?" Too awkward. Can't say that.

It's not that I haven't tried, not that I haven't suffered. It's just that some things... aren't won by striving. It's not that if you give it your all, it will definitely respond to you.

So I wanted to write this down, even if no one reads it. Just consider it a corner left for myself, a little lamp. Let me know that in this place where almost no one comes, I'm still here, still persisting.

Maybe one day, someone will pass by, sit in a corner, and softly say: "Wow, it's so quiet here, but it's quite comfortable."

That would be enough.

I'll still keep running this empty server. Even if it's just for one person, even if it's just to wait for that one person who might never come.

Because... even if only one person comes in, as long as he says:

"Hey, you're still here."

Then I'll know — I haven't been waiting for nothing.